just. being.

i dont know why i feel the need to write a preface here. this is my space and i've used it pretty liberally over the years to pour my guts out. but sometimes doing so feels . . . narcissistic. well, maybe it is. but you know what? here is the thing. because social media…

Ghosts.

Tomorrow is the three year anniversary of Casey being gone. I spent two hours in the car tonight driving home from Indy, letting the memories wash over me. Not trying to block them but remembering and crying, smiling, and crying some more. The first year felt like denial. Since I didn't see him but every…

Cigarettes.

09.2015 Cigarettes. The newest taboo. Today I was conducting some business at the bank, and my heavily bearded, perfectly coiffed teller had his Vape sitting just out of eyesight. Because I'm sort, I could see it perfectly from my vantage point, tho I think the intent was it to be out of sight. I had already…

Letting go.

When Taylor was born and her first Christmas came around I went out and got her a Baby's First Christmas ornament from Hallmark. In fact, I think I got two. And most years afterwards, minus a few years here and there, after the holiday I would take the kids out and let them pick out…

mother.

One of the hardest things about losing my mother, was the expectation people had of my experience, based on their own ideals or their own experiences with my mother. My mother, like most people, was a complex person. I'm empathetic to her life, and what made her, her. Its the same empathy I hope my children…

maybe. don’t have a great night.

so. there has been a whole lot of talk this week, in light of the Elliot Rodger shooting. in fact, there has been a lot of conversation floating around lately about a lot of things. feminism. rape culture. self entitled (white) males. gun violence. the violent culture of america. gun rights. mental illness . .…

Casey.

I debated posting anything, or even writing anything today. Our grief still feels like something I need to protect and keep private. Several events happened after Casey's death that made me feel like I needed to say something. Because keeping quiet only amplifies the stigma. So... The first event relates to one of my children. I'm…