Just what I needed.

Last night I did something I haven’t done in a really long time. I went out and met some new friends for drinks. I became online acquainted with a really great couple through a friend awhile back, and the four of us met up. We (the couple and I) are all beer people and the…

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Peonies.

I have few childhood memories. Peonies are one of them. We had a whole line of them down our backyard along the fence. The backyard was immense when I was a child. It took forever to get from one side to the other. I loved to walk along that long row of Peonies and smell…

The carpet is blue.

This is my sisters room. The carpet is blue. I picked the room closest to the stairs, with access to the attic. But I'm jealous of her two closets and copious sunshine. I don't want to want my room and her room too. But I do. I scale the back of the house. I find…

Mothering.

My main goal in mothering, was to try to not be my mother. I'm constantly measuring my aptitude as a mother against the yardstick of disfunction. My goal of all time spent with my kids is to have them leave feeling loved and liked and valued. Sometimes I think I spend so much time making…

just. being.

i dont know why i feel the need to write a preface here. this is my space and i've used it pretty liberally over the years to pour my guts out. but sometimes doing so feels . . . narcissistic. well, maybe it is. but you know what? here is the thing. because social media…

Ghosts.

Tomorrow is the three year anniversary of Casey being gone. I spent two hours in the car tonight driving home from Indy, letting the memories wash over me. Not trying to block them but remembering and crying, smiling, and crying some more. The first year felt like denial. Since I didn't see him but every…