There are times my life feels a little . . normal. And there are times it feels like the universe cracks itself open just for me and goes, LOOK LOOK LOOK. Don’t you dare forget how magical this is. I don’t believe in coincidences, everything is connected by invisible threads. You can chose to see it, or not.
A few years ago, one of my friends who randomly shows up in my life from time to time, reconnected with me and we had this period of time of pushing each other to the edges of our expandable consciousness. There were times it almost felt like our brains were extensions of one another. We both went through an intense timeframe of rapid personal growth and artistic expression during that space of time. One thing would lead to another to another to another. When that time was done, he moved on, physically to another state, another life; and I moved on with mine. But the world is always a little less technicolor when we aren’t interacting. But I always knew you can’t live in a kaleidoscope.
Occasionally he comes back to town and we slip right back into our weird wonder twins space, for an hour or two at a time. When he leaves there is a bit of a void, he always gets my brain fired up.
This week I was already in my head a lot.
In the last 6 months I’ve made a new friend who is considerably younger than I am. He’s the age of one of my children. He is probably the smartest person I’ve ever met (and I know some really freaking smart people). His energy feels so familiar, and did from the first time we talked. I can only think that he’s part of my soul circle. There are people whose frequencies I am tuned to, its infrequent, but it happens. He’s sage and wise and vulnerable. I feel fiercely protective of him, and at the same time, he feels like a mentor. Someone who makes me think, and look at things from a different perspective. I’m so glad to know him. I also know that life will at some point take us out of each other’s immediate circles.
I’ve experienced a lot of endings. Partially because I accepted beginnings even when on paper, the odds weren’t great. Partially because I think that is just how my life is devised. I’ve taken giant leaps of faith. I’ve invested in people. And sometimes they don’t pan out. But I really don’t regret any of it. There is empowerment in vulnerability. I refuse to shut down my heart and my soul because I’ve taken risks. I’ve never been by the book, and maybe “good” isn’t how you would describe me. But I’m loyal and loving and kind. Unless you give me a real reason to not be.
Yesterday at the end of my workday I threw on my 2013 wrap up playlist. That was a hell of a year. Its almost the same playlist I sent the wonder twin off with when he headed out to his new life. Yesterday, I posted the song Fireshrine by Purity Ring. I have those lyrics tattooed across my ribs. “The rungs of me be under, under you”. The catalyst for those words has moved on into a new life too. But the core philosophy of that song, holds true for those I love. Near, and far.
This morning, without much warning, the wonder twin turned up for lunch. And when we walked into the restaurant, Fire Shrine was playing. This isn’t a song you are going to find on most playlists. But there it was, right as we sat down together for the first time in a long time. It wasn’t his song, but the lyrics hold true. The rungs of me be under, under you. We ended our time today in the cemetery, watching the snow fall. And we talked about the fact that at some point, our interactions will cease. Either because I move away, or he no longer has a reason to visit NE IN. Or because one of us dies. At some point, sooner or later, our interactions stop. This is simply how life works. Sometimes people come into your world for a minute, or an hour, or maybe a year. (reason, season, lifetime). But they always end.
But for that time, with he and I and the people we let in, its pure love. Always, even when it no longer exists. The rungs of me, but under under you.